Leading through Feedback

Welcome back to Everyday Leader. Shannon and Conrad here. Today: feedback. And before we go anywhere, I want to name what the word itself evokes for me -- because I do not think I am alone. Heavy. Formal. Obligatory. Like a chore we all have to do. I think that response comes from years of being inside institutions where feedback was a system -- something that happened to you on a schedule, not something you were responsible for in an ongoing, living way.

That is exactly what we want to open up today. Feedback as a leadership practice -- not a system, not a chore, but something you are actively responsible for: sharing how people are impacting you, and receiving that in return. Rich, dynamic, ongoing. And something that collapses in that word is that feedback is not only about what someone is doing wrong. It includes what is working, where someone is shining, what you want more of.

One thing I want to name: a lot of leaders are not getting feedback because of power dynamics. If you are in charge, people often do not feel safe offering you honest input -- even if you believe you are open to it. Acknowledging that is important. And it means the responsibility falls on you, as the leader, to actively solicit it.

And when you are the one offering feedback, the first skill is consent. Not just launching in -- but enrolling the other person first. Something like: I have some feedback for you, and I want to find a good time and space for it. Is that something you are open to? That question changes everything. It is an offer, not an ambush.

Consent means the timing and the space -- when is the person actually ready to receive it? And it also means framing the content: giving them enough context to arrive with you. I have some feedback about how you are showing up in Tuesday meetings -- not a vague "I have some thoughts." That specificity is a form of care.

When requesting feedback, the same principle applies: be specific. Not "how am I doing?" but "I am working on my active listening -- can you share what you noticed in yesterday's meeting, where I was landing well and where I could improve?" The more specific the request, the more useful the response.

For leaders who have the care and compassion but still avoid the harder feedback -- the constructive, the challenging -- here is a structure that helps. Write out the script first. It goes: I noticed [specific behavior]. The impact is [effect on others]. Then open the conversation. The person responds, and you move toward a request or a co-created solution with an accountability plan behind it. What happens when you write it down is that you reconnect to why you are offering it -- it is in service of this person, this team, this relationship. That is what gives you the courage to say it.

And the energetic come-from matters as much as the structure. One client I worked with was struggling to offer feedback to a colleague -- not because they lacked the words, but because they felt like they were coming from judgment. The shift: look at the person and ask how you want to grow them. Come from unconditional positive regard. The feedback is the same, but it lands completely differently when it comes from care rather than criticism.

For receivers: feedback is an offer. You get to choose what to take in and what to let go. Take what is yours to grow with -- compost the rest. Do not go into self-judgment or defensiveness. Stay conscious. And know that the person offering it, when they are doing it well, is doing something courageous on your behalf.

The practice is the path. Feedback becomes more fluid, more natural, less loaded -- the more you do it. It stops feeling like feedback and starts feeling like a conversation that just needed to happen. Until next time -- be well.