Episode 51: How Do You Turn Everyday Moments Into Leadership Lessons?

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Everyday Leader podcast. Conrad here with Shannon. We've been in conversation about leadership lessons out in the world: where they are, what they are, and how to experience them in a live setting. If you haven't listened to the last couple of episodes, that's where we've been. Go check those out, or join us here as we talk a little more about these leadership lessons.

We framed it in the first episode. In the second, Conrad shared more about the lesson he's been learning out in the world about leadership. We offered a little process for paying attention to your leadership learning while you're leading in everyday life: observe, make a choice, and listen. Now we want to land this practically. What does that mean today, when you're done listening, get out of your car, leave your house, or turn to whatever task you need to do?

This is a multilayered approach. There's the activity of showing up for that task. Maybe it's a school event, game night, or community event. Whatever it is, as leaders you're going to try to be present, engaged, and thoughtful. Those are important baseline ways of showing up. In this miniseries, we're talking about the next layer: looking at a broader view. What is the lesson? What is the learning? What's being offered here to me, to us, to the relationship? You don't have to accept or take an offer, or be restrained by it. You're starting to notice that there are offers of lessons and learning, hundreds or thousands of them, every day.

One thing that helps is thinking about how present we are to our own experience, so when we reflect later, we can recall it. Leadership often naturally requires us to be present, so we're already tracking what we're experiencing. Conrad, with your airport example, getting stuck, getting into relationship with people, and moving some energy that was stagnant and uncomfortable, how did you realize you'd learned something about your leadership? Or did it just happen?

It was both. The next day in Minneapolis, I did a little writing and journaling. There were seeds, data, curiosity, and questions: what was that like? What did it mean? Then getting into relationship with you, catching up and chatting, allowed me to go deeper and parse out what it was really about. What was the lesson? That's how I knew in this situation. Capture a few notes afterwards, as close to the time as you can. It can be a voice note or writing things down. We've done a whole series on reflection, and there are many ways to do it. Reflect, then get into conversation with a friend, coach, another leader, or even yourself. Those are ways to capture that leadership lesson. Notice the lessons, capture them, reflect on them, distill them, and most importantly, integrate them back into your leadership system. That's essential.

What really resonated with you about the way you showed up for distressed travelers that day?

For that day, it was a reminder of the energy of being an observer and being at choice to create. It would have been easy to default to commiserating and go into the depths of the drama of the circumstance. The takeaway for me is observation, then create. We talked about it last time: it's not necessarily easy or fun, or rainbows and butterflies. We believe part of our definition of leadership is to create our world and take responsibility. That doesn't always equal easeful fun, but it can mean significant change and meaningful relationships.

That's true. What I imagine about your experience is that you got to get on the plane feeling kind of good, with some warm and fuzzies.

Yes, that was definitely a benefit for me, too. I am a human being as well. You're imagining a true statement.

When others feel good and we're around them and have been part of that, we feel good, too. We also know what it's like to lead in a relationship where we're staying with discomfort, our own or someone else's. I'm thinking about parenting. We might hold ground on something, or let go and allow someone to have their own experience. I've created conditions for my kids to make good choices, and they might not. When they don't, there might be consequences. Those are their leadership lessons, not mine. But as someone in their ecosystem, that's hard to be with. I don't get warm and fuzzy from that until maybe they're 35 and come back to me! It's good to acknowledge that goodness can come from this, and it doesn't always feel like sunshine and rainbows. But it can.

I'm underlining your phrase from this series: creating the conditions. Just like for caterpillars to transform into butterflies, and for your family system as children move toward adulthood.

Way to bring it all back! Except it only takes between 12 and 20 days for a caterpillar to transform into a butterfly. I don't think we should use that metaphor with parenting anymore. It's not fair!

Got it. The timeline is different for sure.

Yes, the conditions. And in your experience, it was the listening, actually listening to people speaking and sharing.

For me, the conditions were a response to circumstances beyond my control. For you, you created a new environment and new conditions so something could emerge. The situations were created in two different ways. Another learning I'm getting is that no matter who creates the situation, you can still work within it.

That's leadership, too: knowing there's an invitation and leading yourself into it. The invitation might not be written on letterhead. It might be, “I see people aren't doing great. I care about people, and I'm going to get into relationship with them and see how we can make it a little better.” Not fix it, just make it better.

Be with, listen, and move to what's next.

Leaders are really powerful when they do very little. You don't have to do a lot to have an impact as a leader.

Absolutely. Shannon, thank you for joining me in this conversation and in the bigger context of Everyday Leader. I learned a lot through the conversation, and I hope listeners pick up a nugget or two to take into their world.

Absolutely. Always so grateful.

Grateful to be with you. We'll be back again next time.

All right, be well.